Friday, August 31, 2012

[ non-tech ] WOW! Part two

Its almost a fortnight since the first wow post. I don't remember the exact date and I don't have net access right now. Its 2 am right now. It may have something to do with the fact that the cellular network is showing full signal strength yet no internet. I'll bet 5 bucks that even for the full signal the call won't go through if I tried someone.
Well, cellular peculiarities aside, I have come to announce that I had to abandon my quest of mastery of C language because the Brian Hall book I was referring to was an alpha quality book and it was never finished. Which meant that I should take up the task of finishing it. I would have but before starting that I found something better to do and that didn't have anything to do with C language.

Anyway failed quests aside, I'm enjoying life by writing code for living and watching lots of movies and lots of dr house episodes for entertainment.

Well the only problem - I'm mentioning only one because in a normal situation there is usually one problem which when solved makes life perfect - is that I'm having trouble moving on. From what I'm having trouble moving on? Good question. You should ask questions and I would have answered you if I would be having some bakarwadi to exercise my teeth. But I don't have any, maybe I'll get some tomorrow from chitle's but since now I don't have any I'll just have to skip on answering.

Anyway the problem is that I'm having trouble moving on. What from is a mystery. And where to is another mystery. But I feel like I'll have to answer this question first. And then maybe and just maybe I'll have the answer to everything.

To cut the long story short, there is a girl involved. And we were not involved at any stage of our life. Considering we had about four years to do that and we didn't, I consider that my personal achievement.

Not that i was this cool guy back then. I was more of a cool messed up computer guy who was hell of a shy person and had trouble conversing which was the reason he didn't talk much and so people assumed he was shy.

I had a soft spot for her. Well, everybody does for someone around themselves. Sometimes because of need, other times because the other person is sexy or sometimes you idolized them. I did because of all these.

I shouldn't have that soft spot now. Yeah she's sexier now. But I have outgrown my teens. Most of my other idols have seen wastebasket now. And I'm not needy anymore. In fact for some minor irritations that are the result of my own errors I'm quite satisfied with my life and going through the days quite happily.

I lack a purpose. But then who said you need a purpose to live your life. Just enjoy the hell out of it. And I've been doing exactly that. Having 3 course dinners, going out with friends, shopping alone for weird styles of trousers, eating ice cream then pizza and then chicken. In fact except the fact that I don't have anybody to share this hellride with, I'm enjoying the hell out of my life.

But I just keep finding her around here and there. And I keep wondering why I keep seeing her around - in this friends profile or in some other friends contacts list.

Am I missing her? Am I really missing her? Let me try and see who else I'm missing. My parents? No, they were always annoying to be around. Yeah mum used to cook great and dad would have some cool stuff gutted around and doing repairs. But... No. I left them behind when I left for the city. My little sis? Yeah, maybe. She could do with her elder  brother around. But we were never any close. Who else? Wow! Nobody! Yeah not even my best friend! We are pretty close as best buddies can be. But I think I always held back because I didn't want to miss him. Hmmm... Revelation. Then why I feel like I'm missing her.

Well, there is only one explanation. The evolution must have missed to disregard this primal urge for some particular person of opposite sex to dominate your mind. Hmmm... Pretty feasible. At least I have some rationale. ;)

On a side note I have left just 5 hours to sleep. Tomorrows Friday. Or rather today is Friday since the time now is 3 am.

Sent from my Windows Phone

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

[non-tech] Wow!

*** Well, not for the first time but I missed the point I wanted to say in this post. So I'm just putting it up here. I really regret missing this opportunity to work with the amazing guys.
I feel bad because the people did expect something from me and I have failed them. I have also failed myself. Well, even though I was a failure, it was touching to be contacted and asked about it. Well, getting back to rebuilding now. First program to go under axe is Kernel Programming... Sucks! But every failure has it's price and I have never hesitated from the payment if the price was right. Next will be my laptop hours. And after that maybe my Sundays!!! (Well if I get to that point the world may end since my current organization is eating my Saturdays as it is. ) I'm hoping to get to that point!!!

I must not be feeling like wow right now. After such a fiasco, I should be sitting in a dark corner and crying my heart out. Actually I almost cried, but when the fault is yours the tears are hard to come. So after spending 4 days in misery over a lost opportunity and a possible pr nightmare, my body rebounded and I'm feeling better now.
The emotional shock has worn off completely and the misery is like small clouds left on the horizon after heavy rains.
I am looking at the failure now. I'm trying to find reasons why I have failed. I'm looking inside out and through the events. And now I can see clearly what caused it.
Well the details notwithstanding, I'll only say one thing. This failure has hurt me more than what I've felt when I missed 1st class in my engineering 3rd yr by 1 mark - please note its one mark, not 1 percent or 0.1 percent.
The main reason was I was ill prepared and overconfident.
There is no forgiving this. So I'm going to take some harsh corrective measures. I'm going to start working on the chinks in the armor. I'm going to dig so deep that I'll know every nook and cranny. I'm a fighter and I'm going to go out and fight this battle again. And I'm going to win.
I have taught myself to be a survivor and the current situation has made me weak. There is no place for a weak guy in this world. So I'm going to be stronger and its going to be difficult. It'll be more efforts than I spent on toning up my body. But I think I can do it. I know I can do it.
Now why I'm putting this on here is because there won't be anything here till I have achieved what I am out to do. Let this last post be the stone that has me writing my name on it!!!

Sent from my Windows Phone