Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Words Meaning Something

It's difficult any way I say it. And I know there are many more from where I come who frown on me. But I made myself not care. I just moved ahead leaving behind a wake which contained all that I had discarded. It contained things, memories and people. I set myself these impossible goals and I labored to make them come true. I wend on and on not caring those who needed me, who cared for me. I was selfish. Selfish for my goals. And I didn’t even blink an eyelid when I was questioned. I had a purpose. And I expended enormous amount of myself to achieve something.

Too many sleepless nights, too much work. No leave. The lights always on. The candles burning 24hrs a day. I was a monk. Perhaps better than a monk because nothing touched me. I was a force. No I’m still a force. But now I’ve reached my goals. I’ve fulfilled my purpose. I’ve achieved my original objective of freeing myself from everything. And indeed now I’ve become
free. I have harnessed wings with whom I fly.

And I’m no more. I as I existed on this planet Earth, bound by matter am no more. The matter is still here. The body is still here. But I’ve moved on onto higher planes of existence, leaving behind this body to develop the other me and then moving on, leaving me behind just as I’ve left myself behind.
[from The wanderings of a lunatic – he who you may be. ]

Yes, these words are indeed that of the lunatic that I feel I’m sometimes. I’ve highlighted the word. So you may read on. Meanwhile life sucks. My pseudo-girlfriend is angry at me because I’m not agreeing with her on what she considers is a matter of more than casual importance. Well, there are moral issues involved and I don’t want to be harsh on her so I postpone the battle of wills. Mind you my willpower is strong enough that I would fight it to a standstill, but I’m kinda pacifist. Let’s not fight. And that’s that.

Well, she’s not the only one angry at me. There are scores of my relatives who think them important enough so as to wish for some of my time. But in this hectic life I’m finding it very difficult. And I’m not being sarcastic, just plain factual. Anyway that’s not all there are friends who want me to give them some time. And I’m not able to do that. Hell, I myself need some time. Some quiet time to think if this all is worth all this trouble? I never thought life’s worth all that trouble. What is important is fighting with life to prove this wrong! Funny how I’ve moved the words around! But I wish I had the guts to do those few things that I can’t do. I cry for that one crazy moment when I’ll kiss my death – her soft lips. Mmmm. Look, me and my fantasies.

Now you must be wondering whether this post is worth the time you’re spending here? I don’t know. I’m but an imitation of a Common Man.

BTW I got my first Laptop this Sunday 22Aug 2010. Acer e-machines 727. Pentium Dual Core@2.30GHz. 1GB RAM, 250GB HDD, 15.6” Display. I got WinXP and Ubuntu 10.04 on it. And I wrote this post on that only last night. Now I got to get a Digicam and then I’ll revive the Pro Photographer in me. Poor lad’s been in fudgue for so long.
Well, people I’m around. All of you I’m not going anywhere this time. I’m building a life and I want all of you around me to share this marvelous life. (Marvelous Life? I bet only I can be this much cheery – especially after condemning life and humanity to darkness and wishing to kiss death!!! )

Till then, adios. Ana elega miesma tor estat.

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